What does it mean to risk it all? For most of my life I’ve been a risk-lover. I’ve stepped into many a risky venture that others could not understand and some would even caution me against.

My risks have come with great reward and have been followed by great difficulty. And my risky behavior always stemmed from fear. Now you may be asking yourself, how can taking risk stem from fear? Allow me to paint a clearer picture of what was operating in my life. Risk became a necessity for me as I grew up living in poverty. Fear was always present. And when I first set out on my own, I had literally nothing to lose. Fear of what is, desire for more, and nothing to lose is a powerful combination. Risk was my only path forward and it became my close companion. This companion afforded me opportunities to jump in and creatively grow with little resources.

Risk is inherently not a space of comfort, even when you choose to jump into it. And it can be confusing. When I had less to lose, risk was easy to engage in and it was a place for me to hide. The fear that I felt was being transformed in action, and it worked for a while, as I was fooling myself into believing that I’d addressed my fear by taking the action. This resulted in an addictive risk-taking pattern. I lived my life at such a fast and unpredictable pace that I could not stop, and was unable to examine that fear was what was driving me.

It was not until I much later in life when I had my son that I began to feel uncomfortable in my risk taking. And it then became clear to me that fear was present. Before my son, I had only been responsible for myself, and if the risk I’d taken had not worked out, I’d have been able to carry on easily. With him, it suddenly felt important to trying to work out the outcomes of my choices in advance…you know all the ‘logical’ reasons my choices would not work out and that I did not trust myself enough to handle the fallout of my choices. Because of this new discomfort, I began ignoring the calling of my heart and the implementation of my dreams in favor of what I perceived as safety. And as I made more and more ‘safe’ choices, I found myself playing small. From this space, how could I create the expansion that I could feel being called forth from within?

The magnitude of our living experiences is directly correlated to our willingness to confront the fears that undermine our aspirations. As I sat with this perception, I began to see that my fear never truly put me in jeopardy; it was only my mind’s self-imposed distorted perception. The only way out was through. Instead of avoiding the things I was afraid of, I had to confront what had my choosing to play small.

So, I became curious. I realized that the biggest risk, and the most necessary, that I could ever take in my life would be to confront my own inner fears, to stalk those dark areas within. And what came to the forefront was a bit surprising, even to me. In addition to finding what I was afraid of, I also found what was inspiring me to move forward in spite of my fear. I came to understand two very important aspects. Mortality itself was the thing that compelled me to search for my life’s purpose and embrace the audacious pursuit of our individual dreams. It’s the advantage, the driving force, that all living beings inherently possess. Secondly, and no less important, I was deeply afraid of own inner silence and stillness. This fear of my own inner silence and stillness was the reason that activity had become so prominent in my space.

Not only must we take the risk of investigating and coming to understand our own inner landscape, but our external landscape is formed through an ongoing state of embracing risks as well. We must continually and actively engage in this investigation as we go about constructing our lives and creating what we are passionate about. The risk is that we are constructing something that remains unseen until its fulfillment. What we construct becomes the path towards our ultimate destiny. It is a path embedded with profound trust, where we surrender our whole being to the mystery of life and its hidden rhythms.

This convergence of internal and external is what I would refer to as Totality – the state where we coexist harmoniously with fear, embracing the unexpected, and remaining adaptable to everlasting change while staying true to our commitments. Totality allows us to embrace the entirety of our nature and experience the full spectrum of life – the joys and the sorrows. It signifies living without surrendering to the whims of our mind – when we are in our head, thinking, brooding, calculating, cunning, clever – we are not total. To be total is indulging in the present moment, understanding that our life’s purpose does not reside in the distant future, that it’s in the very essence of the here and now. It is to be fully alive in every aspect – to be acoustically attuned to the vitality of every passing moment. Fear withers away within the resonating vessel of each moment, so that you can begin to experience a deepening calm and quietness growing naturally within.

I now am proud to continually show up and progressively face my inner fears. These fears are divine messengers in disguise. Each situation in my life is a sacred initiation, offering me the choice to remain as I am or to evolve. I am aware of a profound sense of freedom, even in the face of external obstacles, challenges, or limitations. On the inner planes, Totality surrenders itself to every situation, allowing the cosmic game to play itself out without expectation, but with unwavering conviction. In light of this, I’ve developed the wonderful knack of handling adversity lightly. The more deeply I’ve accepted each feeling of fear that comes the lighter I’ve grown and the more love I feel as I experience life.
Living in this intuitive way reveals life’s hidden purpose in everything it presents to you. It’s about aligning yourself to the dramatic plotline as it unwinds before you. True purpose is found in giving yourself one hundred percent to every moment, fully immersed in the exhilarating role that life has bestowed upon you in the present. It’s finding the space of experience that it’s not about what you do but how you do it, this can bring wonderous new vitality and creativity for all you do.

Final thoughts

You are singular and so is your journey. You play out the human aspects of energy that are meant for you and only you. Whether you assume the role of lover, villain, master, disciple, seeker or radical dreamer in the grand game of life, as long as your commitment is total, you will uncover a mystical path for yourself that transcends the role itself.

Grimes, Angie. “Risk Taking: From Fear to Fuel for Life” Canvas Rebel, February 15th 2024, CanvaRebel.com